Much To Do About Nothing

Lord, it’s “Late o’clock” again and I’m tired. I’m told You want to hear about such things, though I can’t imagine why it would be important to You.

What may be more important (listen to me suggesting a hierarchy of importance to the Ruler of the universe!) is that I can’t see where my RUT is headed next. There seems to be a bend or two that keep me from being able to see ahead - to anticipate. I’d like to predict my future… at least a year or so out… just thought You might be interested.

Why? I’m excited! There’s lots going on and it’s kind of like Advent before Christmas. I know I’ve got to wait, but I just… well I’d like to know and You’re keeping secrets. Yes, I know, their Yours to keep. Again, just sharing some humanity with You.

By the way, besides predicting the future, I’d also like to know what others are thinking. Just a little bit. I’d like to peer into the minds of those reading (or wanting to read) my book. There’s got to be 1 or 2 of them out there. Maybe not; maybe that’s what You’re protecting me from.

Don’t worry I’m just fretting as any new author would. Nothing serious; I really am just grateful to have written the book. Still vanity creeps in. I’m tempted to want to believe that others might be grateful for the “read”. But that would be predicting YOU’RE future. That would be assuming that You inspired me to write for the benefit of others when it simple might have been for me.

Like I said Lord, it’s late and the fringes of my soul are being tickled by hidden fingers of desire and impatience for Your plan to unfold. Sometimes (A lot of times), I fall into the trap of thinking that this is adventure is partly about me instead of all about You. This is always the toughest type of terrain in my RUT Trek. And the time I need to keep the steady course and most importantly trust… in the One it's all about.

I do really, trust You that is. But You wired me with restlessness; I’m sure You understand that I need to talk this out just so I can be honest with You about who I am deep inside. Call it confession… and of course, You invented confession so I guess I didn’t have to tell You what to call it.

And it’s done, I feel better just spilling the beans and moving on. Good night Lord, thanks for letting me talk a little as we Trek. Sometimes, just that is sufficient.

RUT ON!

Mark A. Cornelius

Directions vs. Instructions

I keep getting the two confused Lord. I know the difference: Instructions are part a lesson to teach me how to assemble my life whereas directions are pointers that are marked to get me from one location to another.

The problem, I think, is that sometime I need directions on how to follow the instructions and other times I need instructions on how to understand the directions given to me. Ask any parent who has assemble Christmas toys for their kids or anyone who has tried to load new software on to a computer – they understand what I’m talking about.

It’s difficult then to know when the directions end and the instructions begin and visa versa. Even Webster crosses the line, inappropriately (in my humble opinion) interchanging the two words: To me it seems obvious Lord, that one indicates a “point to point” outline resulting in arrival at a specific destination while the other suggests a teaching event with a completed task as the result.

In the RUT world, I think there’s maybe an easier way to help distinguish between the two. Help me Adonai, as I try to clarify my understanding: As I Trek my RUT, I have a specific destination in mind, and to get to that destination, I have to look for the footprints stamped in place by others ahead of me on the route. These markers are there to help those coming along keep on the correct path. Stepping outside the metaphor for a minute, these “Trek Signs” are typically either friendly advice that says “this is how I made it this far”, or they could be warnings, “don’t try this method, it doesn’t work,” or it could be words of encouragement, “If you do this and go here, you’ll get where you want to be.

Instructions, as I understand them Master, are more like the apparel I put on or take off during my journey. They protect me and / or “stylize” the Trek making up part of the character of who I am (or will become) along the way. Instructions might also be the conversations I have with those trekking along side me, or they could be the words of an “historical marker” posted for me to review. None of these necessarily help me arrive at my destination, but they can inspire me to continue and help me improve the conditions of my Trek as I continue forward.

Regardless Master, I need both instruction and direction within my RUTted existence. One without the other causes me to be uninspired or confused and will make the trek seem obstructed with boredom, or uncertainty; or both. That’s when I start to get bogged down; when my Repetitive Unchanging Trajectory (RUT) looses it value and adventure. Suddenly I find myself in a Periodic (or Permanent) Interrupted Trajectory (PIT) and that’s when I lose hope and faith – in me, in You; in the dreams we share.

What is the point of this Lord? Why do I need to distinguish between the two? Because if I mistake Instruction for Direction; I might unintentionally focus on developing my character with no destination in mind. If I think that my Direction is my Instruction, I might become disenchanted and then easily distracted to leave my dream path. I need to understand both the purpose of “who” I am (instruction), as well as the result of “where” I am (direction) in order to continue discovering adventure in the routine of my life.

OK, so now that we’ve got that straight, I only then need to discover what the best source of both instruction and direction would be along the Trek. I would think that a consistent and reliable source would be best. The source would have to be easily understood and the delineation between instruction and direction would have to be clear. Now in what source would all of these attributes be present and easily accessible… what source indeed Lord?

RUT ON!

Mark A. Cornelius

RUT's Inside Me?

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are

with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the

house of the LORD Forever. Psalm 23


This entry will be short and sweet Lord, just like the Psalm above. And more on target, I’m staring at verse 3 and the “paths of righteousness”. There’s more than one? Well that’s a twist: A path of righteousness, what exactly is that? I always thought that Your WAY was The Path of righteousness, and who would argue? But apparently, from Your Path, extends other paths? Roads out into the world for me to follow?

Except then the map gets a little fuzzy; turns out there are two kinds of righteousness! One is very well defined and easy to understand, that’s the tsedâqâh (tsed-aw-kaw') kind of righteousness. I’m thinking this is the righteousness that commandments are made of; handed down, passed on by example—Visible and Tangible to humankind as a whole. It’s full of law and structure and gavel pounding. It’s the righteousness that wears robes and seems to grow because I keep finding loop holes and it doesn’t want to let me redefine it so it must be constantly clarified to me by others who demonstrate more tsedâqâ than I. Powerful stuff, but this is not the Psalm 23 righteousness.

Psalm 23 speaks of tsedeq (tseh'-dek) which is more… abstract. It talks to me inside more than is given to me from outside. It speaks in a quiet, sometimes pestering, sometimes soothing (and infrequently thunderous) voice depending on my reception to its suggestions…

“Mark, you know better, it you do that you’ll…”

“Mark, that’s right, you’re definitely on track…”

“Mark, did you really do that?”

“Mark, good job.”

And isn’t it interesting that righteousness would even have a voice and that I could choose or not choose to listen to it? Some would call it their “conscience”, but where does it come from… experience? What about when I’ve had good experiences, but choose the opposite direction? Why does the voice nag me to choose honor when my experiences have been just the opposite?

The choices are all paths; some righteous (good, honorable, pure), some unrighteous. And that voice? That’s where the Psalm comes in… “You lead me in the paths of righteousness”. And not just me, anyone who would choose to listen to the voice; watch the walk; experience the trek. Why, that might even look like a RUT to some.

But what’s so interesting about this RUT and this Psalm is that it isn’t a choice of paths in front of me; not a tsedâqâh kind of path - trying to keep me and all others who walk it on the straight and narrow for our own good. The Psalm 23 tsedeq path is INSIDE of me. It’s a path I walk either totally alone or with one other only. That one other… is You Jesus; the only one who has ever trekked the tsedeq path from beginning to end with perfect execution (sic) and resurrection.

So as I Trek through the valley of the shadow of death, I have a choice and it has nothing to do with whether or not I choose to Trek that portion of that path—the past choices I’ve made guarantee I’ll pay a visit to the Shadow Spot. My choice is whether I do a “solo” or seek a traveling Companion. Only One can come, only One will do—not just on this path, but on the others as well. That’s the thing about You as my Companion Lord. Like no other; You’re in it for the long haul—through the green pastures and still waters of my spirit or the hellish places my enemies might invite my soul to encounter.

And because You’re walking with the Inner me; all directions I travel—each path I take—becomes one of tsedeq. On this Trek my cup runs over with oil undeserved, but very much appreciated—anyone who would wish me harm has to just watch in frustration and envy. I travel this RUT with amazed confidence because I shouldn’t even be allowed to take one step along its invisible route; yet, it shines clearly in front of me, goodness and mercy following me all the days of my life. Where is it leading me, Lord? No need to answer… I’ve even been given a Map to read. Unlike the inner journey, The Map is very visible, tangible; very easy to read. The road sign I see on The Map at this moment points in the direction of “Psalm 23 verse 6 as my ultimate destination—see You at Your place!

RUT On!

Mark A. Cornelius

Believement

I know beyond a shadow of any doubt Lord that You exist. I know, without question, that I am Your child and that You Love me, despite my failed attempts at loving You. I know, Master, that there was a larger plan than that I, or any person, could conceive and that Your were (are) the architect of that plan – it involves an eternity in which someway, I’m involved. I know all I have to do is to, admit I’m incapable of correcting my faults on my own, ask for Your love, strive to love You as You Love me… MEAN all of this in the deepest part of me instead of just speaking the words… and I’ll be a part of that eternal paradise.

But I didn’t always believe this way. Not even close. Something changed in me. I have difficulty understanding what switch “switched” in me that I now believe differently. I do know how it happened though.

Adonai, I won’t bore You with the details of my Trek before and after meeting You. Those are well shared moments in history that we cherish together, but I am intrigued by the process of how one’s faith grows in the midst doubt. How can I suddenly be another person from the one I was going to be? That conversion – seems both spiritual and psychological. I know You’re in charge of the spiritual side, but what promoted a drive in me to chase You and then to one day find that chase to have become a desirable lifestyle?

There’s a big phrase that Learning Theory types (of people) use to describe a frame of mind that is changed from one position to another. They call it “cognitive dissonance” - the brain has to somehow justify an action that does not fit the normal or regular behavior of the individual. OK, I’ll swallow that, but there’s something else at work here.

As I read Paul’s letter to the Romans, I’m told that I’m saved by my faith. That happens immediately at the point I accept You as Lord and suddenly my salvation assures me of a heavenly address sometime in the future - Sweet. But that doesn’t let me off the hook. I’m also told that I have a Trek, a time here still on this planet where I have to improve. That might be 5 seconds, maybe 50 more years. “Improve”, now what’s that mean? I can’t do anything on my own well, that’s been established. I do things better if I do them the way You ask me to, which means I’ve got to ask first, “How?”… OK, then once I hear You telling “How”, I do.

But that has taken (has taken, will take) practice. I still try to do it my way, I still fight internally with the desire I desire most – to live Your way, love Your way, last Your way. What’s the roadblock? I want it or I don’t – I do, so, if I’m “saved”, the switch has been switched, shouldn’t I just naturally be the perfect model of humanity – what You were, when You were here? What keeps it from working that way?

There’s lots of words in the Bible and other places that explain at length the battle between my will and Your’s. I know my will struggles to be its own master because I don’t always recognize – yes, I confess – Your will as superior, but I think there came a time, at least for me, when I gained something more, an undeniable acceptance; that whether I was trying to avoid You or not – if I went my way, I was (am) disobeying a God who is present… EVER present as in really spiritually tangible. I realized that You are not some distant observer who checks in once in a while. There’s a whole lot that can be discussed about that revelation, but the thing I’m getting at here Adonai (yes, I know it’s about time I got to the point) is that something beyond my faith, some spark beyond the acceptance of You as God, made that discovery possible.

What? When? How?

I’m thinking now (watch out!) that it wasn’t a moment when this happened but by a long term, deliberate plan – Your plan to be exact. I think there was something “installed” in me at my Acceptance Time (conversion), that allowed me to Trek forward to this other revelationary “spark time” and beyond. I now have a name for it:

Believement -noun. The act or process of searching for supporting evidence in order to justify one’s belief system. [Origin: 2007 Mark A. Cornelius; Believe + -ment ]

And going off the deep end – as long as I’m making up words, I might as well charge ahead boldly – I think all of humankind develops a Believement which supports any belief. That’s why I see people firmly planting their feet on a premise that seems astoundingly absurd to me and yet, to them, it seems perfectly righteous. I’m sure they think the same way about me Jehovah and that’s where this RUTted dialogue has led… why is my Believement better than their Believement? By that I’m not asking why my supporting evidence is better than their supporting evidence, What I’m asking is… if we all are hell bent on building a belief system based on our individual desire to follow a specific RUT path, what good is any belief? It’s only based on our concern to prove it correct by any means possible!

But there is an answer, isn’t there Lord… and it doesn’t come from my Believement, but… from YOUR Believement.. Because before I could believe, You believed in me. Before any of us had an opinion, You conceptualized “opinion” and spoke it into existence. And then, You supported it. All of it. You gave it freedom to exist and then You supplied irrefutable evidence in the form of a Creation so that everything and every one that has existed and will exist, can develop their own Believement . And Your incredible Love even allows for the freedom of those, whose love You desperately desire, to chose another belief and the Believement to support it. Tragically sad, but so beautiful in that it is allowed by Your Believement. I wonder if anyone else’s Believement, even my own which supports You, will ever be able to justify a belief in a Love Relationship that profound? I wonder whose Believement would dare to argue with Yours?

RUT ON!

Mark A. Cornelius

RUT's In A Word?

I’m so pathetically spoiled. No, not because I live in the greatest and wealthiest country the world has ever known; and not because I’ve been raised in middle class splendor. It’s not because of technology and the advancements of convenience which make my life so mobile, so slippery smooth-split-second synchronous; and not even due to the opportunities provided by Your grace Lord. All these things are “spoiling material” for sure, but that’s not why, really, I’m spoiled. The real reason for my pampered claim is simpler: in a word; the “word”.

Where did this incredible invention—graphic representation of thought—originate? Was it a grunt here, a burp there, suddenly transformed into pictures on stone? An elementary scratching that some primitive person decided looked like a sound? How did that representation of spoken language come to be a cipher in somebody’s imagination that could then be catalogued and repeated for others to recognize. What a mind-boggling advancement: Accident, or a calculated process? Inspired and imparted from… where or… whom?

The ancient Hebrews realized the miracle of the written word; so much so that they revered it as the very voice of… You. They would touch the scroll of the Holy Scripture with a finger and then place that finger to their lips, acknowledging the sweetness of the text itself—its tangible taste upon their hearts and minds; thus the psalmist captured it… with words… Taste and see that the Lord is good. Why would something as ordinary as phrases and sentences—no matter how poetic-cause such reverence, such delight?

The Hebrews cherished this thing I take for granted in ways I’m just starting to grasp. To them it became a living thing, a persona of such great power and importance that the “w” became “W” and it was no longer to be spoken as “a word”, but The Word. So powerful became The Word, that when spoken, a world and a universe to support it would come into existence. Matter created from spoken command? Dare we dream so large? You did.

That’s the coincidental secret few unravel—the word was “The Word” before Your people, were “Your Chosen”. And the persona…You… were so much a part of The Word, that the two were… are… inseparable. And so, when we screwed up a perfectly good paradise, You—who already knew what was, what is and what is to be—already had the solution prepared; an impossible solution for an impossible dilemma. You would send The Word to become tangible—as a human; a walking, talking, living, dying and resurrecting experience—to save us from being cut off totally from the gift of Your love.

Yet, as a habit, many don’t begin “word” with a capital. I confess, it’s hard for me to recognize You with the daily words that I casually absorb and dispense in my routine. Do I fully comprehend and appreciate this imperial gift I’ve been given—the ability to see and to hear and to breathe in and out and even to pen words that others can understand too? These markings are culture’s blood; society’s spiritual bridge (to be crossed or blockaded); They are Your intentional hand held out to pull us back from the edge of self destruction.

“What’s he gabbing about?” someone’s asking out there.

I’m beginning to realize Creator, just how treasure filled, is each word I read, write and regurgitate. Still, in this time and place, where media rules, I’m thinking there’s a danger of me becoming (more) lazy; living in this “Cliff Note” world, I find myself uncomfortably comfortable letting others digest my words, letting them form my opinions and conclusions, instead of absorbing the text first hand.

And that’s what I see happening not just to me, but to everyone surrounding me… we read in patterned pathways, RUTs of articulation that are so entrenched in our everyday existence, we dismiss their value and significance. No matter the language, whether English, German, Chinese, Hebrew or Arabic, we are forgetting that just a few short years ago, this privilege of reading and writing were exclusive to the aristocracy, guarded as a governing tool, then fought for and won as a public freedom… is it now so worthless, that I’m willing to cast it aside?

I’m trying Lord, really I am, to appreciate Your desire to connect to us… to me, utilizing the deepest metaphysical bonding agent ever conceived. I’m trying to slow down enough: filtering out the minutia; so that I can seek within each word—The Word, and then within its text, discover Your purpose for me.

I peer at the whispered echoes coursing through ciphered veins;
Its map helping complete my Trek to You
And as I navigate its system, I understand,
With out The Word, I cannot exist
With out The Word, I cannot touch You

I don’t know Adonai, my words are so weak, I know You’re capable of all things—I’m pretty sure You understand even my ranting, but does any of this make sense to anyone else? Does it mean anything for me to type this message out as I do; not just for communication with You, but to associate—word for word with others? Does scribing out this document bring me… us closer in some way to The Word—to You?


RUT On!

Mark A. Cornelius

Where The Trekker Meets The Meaning Of The Trek

Strange territory Master… I’m in an uncomfortable place; a place where I do not have confidence, a place of shifting sand and unexplored (by me) turns. This is one moment that I said I dreamed of and yet, now that I’m here; the steps seem heavy and the lighting is… subdued—the path difficult to interpret and negotiate.

This is the time when I ask, “Do I really want to arrive at my desired goal, knowing what I now know about the risks and challenges—obstacles and… WORK… that needs to be done to get there?”

I’m at that point where many turn back saying, “no”, not understanding their fear, but certainly feeling and being swayed by it. They—and I—want so badly to say “Yes”, but that “thing”, that word called “commitment” hangs out there on a branch just beyond our reach over the cliff. To grasp the dream, we… I… must jump; the possibilities of flying on new wings, or falling to certain disaster, loom large.

This is the ultimate moment of submission Lord, exactly where You want to meet me—where the Trekker meets the meaning of the Trek.

I wax on like this because I’ve just gotten the approved cover copies for the book I wrote. Cover approval is the last phase of the preprinting process; now the book will be actually printed and then will be made available. None of this is a big deal, there are lots of books being printed and promoted out there. What is different is that the publishing, printing, and…even the writing of this book was never supposed to happen.

It did happen though. It started with another book that was supposed to happen… and didn’t. I wanted desperately to find a way to share my journals—the ones where I listen and respond to Your whispers—with a larger readership. After all, You blessed my writing on the internet, why shouldn’t there be a way to broadcast Your love for me (and by example for others) in paper format? Why not? Because You said “not yet”. I listened, I obeyed—a very strange behavior for me, Jehovah—and as trapped as it made me feel to let go of that desire, strangely I also felt incredibly liberated… no…free.

All of this spiritual exorcism happened even as some friends were encouraging the effort to print my journals. They said all the right things; they gave me all the right advice and pointed me on my way—but You said, “wrong way.”

The irony was that, during that same conversation with my friends, as I was explaining to them I didn’t hear Your inspiration for such a project, You were paving another road. Actually, a year prior to that You had begun to whisper into my writer’s heart, the essence of why RUTs are vital and significant components of a successful life quest. Still I held back, not sure if such a concept would ring in the public ear. It took just one small spark—back to that meeting with friends—when we were about to leave the restaurant.

One of my friends asked the loaded question, “Is there anything else, any idea you’ve been holding on to, that should be shared with an audience?” I remember so vividly shaking my head Jehovah, dismissing the words even as they left my mouth… “Well, I do have this idea about RUT’s—the routine of life we try to frantically escape from-actually being a good thing.” The response I got then, and the feedback received ongoing from others who have helped me shape and edit the idea since, was electric. I new then as I know now, RUT Management is not a simple “Mark Thing”. It’s part of “the gift”.

It’s taken far too many years for me to figure this out, but Your guidance is ever patient. I learned that this gift was to be focused on Your need, not Mark’s. I’ve discovered that if I continue to walk in the RUT You originally set out for me to follow, that… things—powerful, wonderful, undoable things—happen. A dyslectic, average and very ordinary boy who can’t spell worth a lick and with no history of strong communication skills… suddenly can write. He can even present a point in ways that win the hearts of others for God. I’m not—nor do I want to be—capable of such things on my own. I recognize the gift and praise The Giver.

But now it’s back to the present. I know I can write when the writing is for You. I know I can strike the reverberating chord when it’s Your song I play. I know because I’ve done it and done it well—beauty flowing from the former beast. Now the work needs to be spread. The book needs to be placed in the hands of others. The message needs… wants… to be spoken to Your audience.

How do I know this? Because You made it happen so easily… once again, after I handed over control, that is. I was so hesitant to self-publish because of that same nagging feeling in me that said, “You’re doing this for self promotion, Mark” and it was so far from the truth that I became frozen in guilt. You Adonai, would have none of it. Suddenly another writer points me to a publisher who specializes in new writers and they eagerly accept my first draft—after I had spent months seeking out such and group on my own with no success—would anyone not at least suspect Divine intervention?

Here’s the kicker: I’ve never walked this part of the RUT before; others have been out there doing it before me so it’s not Trailblazing, but it sure feels like it—a virgin path full of unknowns—I don’t even grasp who the audience You want me to speak to is! Some call this genre of book “Self Help”, but one of the major concepts of RUT Management is that I CAN’T HELP MYSELF WITHOUT HELP! So what do we call this category Lord, Self Helplessness? I don’t believe the bookstores will go for that.

I hear You Master, You’re saying that I’m over thinking this thing—can’t help it—that’s how You wired me. That’s how I prepare. Prepare for what? I’m about to give You back the fruit of the tree You gave me to plant and You’re already telling me to plant the seeds of the fruit… BUT I’VE NEVER PLANTED FRUIT SEEDS BEFORE. I WAS IN CHARGE OF ONE MEASLY TREE!

Overwhelmed? Yes, You might say I’m feeling that. I want so desperately… not to screw this up. And because I’m involved, that likelihood is high… unless: Unless I do what I’ve learned works. I’m giving all of it to You Lord. I’ll do what ever You ask, whatever You command; even if it seems foolish and odd to others. I’ll pray, I’ll ask for all action, all results in Your name, I’ll wait for Your voice and when heard, I will charge. I’ll do it without hesitation, and without the blink of an eye. Will I fear my involvement? Oh, yes. Will I fear Your involvement? Not a chance; there’s still a lot of the struggling “me” left to deny, but I want nothing more than to be Yours with complete abandon. Help me, so that others can see what that Trek looks like and what it means to love God as He loves me. Maybe, just maybe they’ll learn how to be loved as well.

And so the book will soon become reality. And Mark will stand up and speak out, and people will see. Will they buy? Will it be a message worthy or a fad too quickly waning? Neither. It will be what You Father, want it to be. It will be Your prose for Your purpose. I’m not in this RUT for fame or fortune because You didn’t create this RUT for fame or fortune. And I guess that not only places me right where this Trekker meets the meaning of the Trek, but also dead-center where I meet the very Maker of the Trek.

Good to meet You here Lord, I’m ready. RUT ON!

Leading The Follower

I struggle to follow because

my eyes see ahead of where I already am…

…my mind dreams of a future yet to happen

my heart cries for things past which cannot be undone.

But, I have no problem expecting You to follow me Lord, wherever I trod. I call it “walking with You”, but we both know the truth of it. I want You to endorse my life. If I claim that You are with me, who can be against me? Not even You can be against me then—not when I claim it in Your name; right?

This thing I do in my head, this… “self-rational-righteousnessing”, is what I use to justify my authority when I want something or someone to do something for me… and I’m absolutely wrong to claim it in that way. Still, I walk in this wrongness a lot. I even have a little mental song I sing to myself that sounds something like this…

I feel so humble, right and true

Because I claim to follow You

Glory, power and grace have I

Which means I own all things in Christ

Yes Master, it is a bit sarcastic, but that’s the secret, ugly me. The one that wants to “one-up” the enemy… make that… my enemy. And who exactly is that—my enemy? Why, they’re simply any of those who aren’t doing Your will… as I … define Your will.

That’s not exactly what is written, is it? Biblically, I’m way out in left field. You tell me I’m to submit to the authorities placed over me. That would be the government of my country, no matter who, or which party, is in power. That would mean some person at work I report to indirectly whose moral convictions I don’t agree with. That would mean the leader at church—who has a position or way of doing things that I don’t agree with—who is given authority by the elders of the congregation. That would include anyone You’ve chosen to be over me.

I don’t like this part of Your RUT Lord, the following part; because I’m being asked by You—of all People—to follow those I don’t trust, those I don’t admire, even those who might harm me; and I’m asked to trust… that… a higher power… that would be YOU… has control over the situation? Are You telling me that I’m to have faith that You’re an active agent in this nasty little business called life and that if I follow the “elect” on the path, but mimic You in my Trekking, that somehow it will all be blessed?

I don’t like this part of Your RUT Lord, but it is Your RUT and if I claim to be Your follower, I… have to follow, not lead. What’s difficult is that—even though I like to picture myself as Your “partner”; us walking side by side and me even having constructive/intelligent things to offer the partnership—I’m not often consulted or even invited to walk side by side… not even a step or two behind. My name is “slave”. Hate that word­—slave. I prefer “servant”. It sounds more like I have a respectable position with some degree of will in the administration of my duties. Slave sounds… like what it is… a captured soul, taken for the owner’s bidding—but that’s the deepest level of commitment for me isn’t it Jehovah? I must first —and last—be Your slave, before I can ever graduate to servant.

A slave walks far behind the Master and does whatever the Master asks, whenever the Master asks it. Why can’t You see that I’ve got experience that makes me more valuable than a slave to You?
And that’s the point I think I’m missing—it’s my experience that requires slavery. To submit to You, I have to agree with—or at least submit to—Your plan of action. I don’t have to understand it; I read nowhere that I have to like it. I just have to live it… which brings up a finer point, Creator.

I’ve always looked at submission act-by-act: As an opportunity to submit arises (i.e. my parents, spouse, or a manager telling me not to do something) I then weigh all the circumstances and decide to submit or… not. I’ve learned to do this day in, week out, year by year, my whole life. And it’s been wrong.

I’m seeing now that submission is not a series of steps along the path, but the path itself.

I am to submit in attitude, in body, soul and spirit. It’s the whole package and it’s not locked to a situation or a time or a place, it’s all or nothing. It has to be my life and my life’s style. No wonder the young man in Matthew 9:16-22 was so sad. That passage has always thrown me; Your guys; the disciples—seemed really bothered by it too. I never understood why they were so worried about some “rich boy” not being able to pass the “eternity test”.

Now I understand why. You weren’t talking to him about giving up just his monetary wealth. The Greek word used there is “plousios” which is a term meaning abundance. You were telling him he needed to give up not just his possessions, but his status and his prestige; his personal aristocracy and importance. His… power. You were asking him to give up his authority. You wanted nothing from him… and all of him… all of me, all of anyone who would dare to call themselves a “follower of Jesus”.

But Lord, how do I know who you’ve placed in authority over me… and how will I know those who falsely claim to be in authority? And do You ever take the authority away when they misuse it? What I’m REALLY asking—am anxious to know—is; are there times I won’t have to submit to a dislikable authority? I REALLY NEED TO KNOW THIS! Why? Good question Adonai; because I don’t trust You to protect me and to keep me… comfortable.

So then it comes to that funky “cross” quote You make—You know the one in Matthew 16, "If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.”

The trick with that phrase is that it’s very easy to assume that my cross is the same as the one You picked up and carried. I think not. Tell me if I’m wrong Lord, but here’s the difference I see:

Your cross was carried by God. You chose to take it up (You were not forced) relinquishing everything Your were, even Your authority over the Earth, the people and the creatures You created—an incredible thought to picture—and You became everything You want me to be. Then You allowed Yourself to be physically tortured to death. You… loved… love me so much that in all the universe, You put me, and anyone who calls You Lord, first—above all other things—no matter what.

My cross? Here’s the twist. My cross is carried by someone who is not GOD (but who secretly wants to act as one). I must choose (not be forced) to give up every thing I am and replace it with every thing You want me to be. In other words, my cross must be picked up willingly; demonstrating that I want to totally kill off anything that smacks of godlike desire and replace it with the desires of The Ultimate Authority of my existence—You.

You first—above all other things: including me; especially me—no matter what.

And so, I’ve chosen… I can’t… I won’t deny such love. I’ve seen it work for me, for many, many others. All I have to do is pick up that pathetic piece of timber and start walking. It makes me look stupid Lord. It makes me a target of ridicule-people point at me… they think it’s a fake cross.

They make me wonder if it is too. I catch myself thinking I’d rather be like them… they can do what they want, with whomever they want, whenever they want. They look like they’ve got good stuff. They talk as if they have the authority and the power to get more good stuff. Some of them do have authority over me. I hate that Father. They are the nails of my cross.

I squirm to get free, yet I look around and see how temporary their power and their stuff is and I realize, that by becoming Yours, I have something different; the authority I’ve lost means nothing—it was worthless to begin with—taking me nowhere. Now that I don’t have to do anything, don’t have to wield that presumed power, don’t have to proclaim it; Another authority—the power of Your love within me grows and I finally move forward on my Trek, toward what You had in mind for me to be all along, a “leading follower”.

Interesting concept—leading by following. According to You, it’s a walk through the eye of a needle and it’s hard, which I guess is why the ones who actually do it become the authorities for those wanting to do it. Since it is such an incredibly difficult Trek to navigate, I suppose I need to look for the examples of others who have followed before me. Besides You, they would be the best authorities of all to submit to, would they not?

And as for any whom would “lord it over me”, by insisting they are my leaders—demanding I follow them away from Your course so clearly marked? Well there is no authority in that RUT is there!

RUT ON. Mark A. Cornelius